So Did You Go Faster?
Recently I talked about running a trail race and my hope that the trail race would make a 10km road race go faster. The road race just happened. So did I go faster? Turns out, I didn’t. I was slower in 2023 than in 2022. 57:21 vs. 55:54 to be exact. There are a bunch of reasons I dreamt up for why I was slower. I weigh more than I did a year ago as I’ve been building strength. I was sick in September. I was wearing a new watch that annoyed me as it buzzed on my wrist. I didn’t feel mentally strong. I was hot… Blah blah blah. I calmed myself down by telling myself to get over it. Don’t be arrogant – you don’t put in mileage. You are so much stronger than you were a year ago (true story). You came 30th out of 212 women in your age category. And all 29 ahead of you run way more than you. Get over it, this is great. Yah, sounds good. It still stung for a good 24 hours.
Remember the coach in your head?
When I let him in I have a critical, at times brutal coach in my head. And he showed up right at the start of the run when I felt a little off and was falling behind the 55 minute pacer. He started chirping that I’d be letting my family down if I didn’t beat last year’s time. And that I hadn’t eaten enough the day before, that I was dehydrated, and wearing a hat was a mistake because I was too hot. At the 4km marker, I managed to fight him off. I threw the hat off my head, found my focus and got into a groove.
You Are Amazing
When I finished the run, a woman I’d never met came up to me and said “you are amazing. I just kept looking for you and knew if I could see you and pace off you I’d be ok”. I thanked her and asked her how she did. She lit up and said “I got a PB!”. Awesome I said. And we went on our way.
A day later, my body felt way less sore than it felt the last time I ran a road race back in May. This was a marker that I was stronger than before, run time notwithstanding. The fact that I helped another runner achieve a personal best just by showing up and not quitting also felt good. I could see from my heartrate data that unlike last year, I pushed my pace in the last 1.5km. I also knew that I’d let my meditation practice slip a bit lately. And I felt that on the course when I struggled to stay focused. As I found my way through my own set of feedback, I started to feel better.
The jackass coach in my head then chimed in with “you’re just trying to make yourself feel better, you were slow!” I told him to F* off. Does it matter that I was over a minute slower than a year ago?
Maybe… If a run time is the only marker of performance. But it’s not.
Being a faster runner is not my ultimate goal
If it was I would run 3 to 4 times a week. And I don’t. Running is a solitary activity – it is something I do on my own when I want to clear my head. I am competitive, so it is fun for me to throw a race or two in to experience a start and finish line. But I am at my happiest connecting to people – a non solitary activity- and finding the thing in them and in me that makes us tick. My ultimate goal is to be healthy, present and engaged so that I can connect with others, (and myself) in a way that is meaningful, feels good and has impact.
Do I wish I’d been a bit more present to really connect with the woman who took the time to connect and share her experience with me? Yes! Is that something worth getting better at? 100%. I cheered on a friend who competed in a functional fitness (crossfit) competition a few weeks ago. The moment that touched me the most during the competition was watching him win his heat, catch his breath and then go back onto the gym floor to cheer on the last placed athlete who was struggling to finish.
He just went back onto the gym floor and sat down next to the athlete on a set of dumbbells. With his body language he said “I’m here. I see you. You’re doing it. Keep going.” He did his best while he was competing, and he then took the time to support and connect with someone to help them get across the finish line. That’s performance and character. And it’s awesome. And that’s what I want to work on 🙂
Remember the Psychology of Money??? The author Morgan Housel has a podcast and it is fantastic. You can find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Here is the link to the podcast on Spotify, Also available on apple or wherever you listen. First episode is on the Art of Spending Money. Such good useful content.