Did you know that Canadian Thanksgiving is in October??
Indeed it is.
Specifically, it comes on the second Monday of the month of October —which is the same as Columbus Day in the U.S. One explanation for this is that because Canada is geographically situated further north, the brief window of the harvest season comes earlier, so we observe it according to the natural seasonal shift.
I started working with a new training coach back in July. He’s a great coach, and seeks indicators of progress. So after working together for eight weeks, he said “you should sign up for a 10KM run. In October.” He went on, “it will be good to see how your body responds (I have some old knee injuries). Don’t run more. Don’t change anything that you are doing, just run a 10KM in October”. Okey dokey.
Going for a run has been a source of comfort
Going for a run has been a source of comfort for me since I was a teenager, living far away from family at a boarding school. Whenever I felt lonely, sad, scared or angry, running up a series of three long hills culminating in a watertower – made me feel better. I kept my run habit once I left boarding school. When feeling something I didn’t want to feel, I would get my shoes on, do up the laces and run. And as time went on, I started to really run. I would do intervals as fast as I possibly could. Sprints up hills. Runs at night in the rain that were probably unsafe. I liked the adrenaline and I would Pound. It. Out.
On the face of it, a healthy habit. But like anything used to numb or cope, not the healthiest. It took a lot of people who care about me help me see that this was not healthy (even though I could almost get away with it looking like it was).
Now during periods of intensity or stress, I try to channel the urge to run into something less physical like meditating, going for a walk, stretching or hanging out with family and friends. And sometimes I just run, but I go easy (no more intervals or sprints), and I try to keep my cortisol levels (and desire for adrenaline) in check. So the idea of running a 10KM race felt a little conflicting. Yes please, but am I heading back to a place I’ve worked hard to move on from?
So I signed up for the run, didn’t tell anyone and put it out of my mind.
I did the run this past Monday morning. Here is what I discovered:
- I like to compete. Start line energy is fun for me. I like chasing runners down. I like being cheered on. I’ve missed it.
- I am stronger mentally than I used to be. I meditated the morning of the race and kept the mantra “feel the ground below your feet” on repeat throughout the race. The voice in my head alternates between trying to protect me: “you should walk, this is super hard”; to being critical: “you’re not tough enough to go faster”. The “ground beneath my feet” mantra beat those voices back.
- I still get scared. When I hit the last two kilometres, I knew it was time to kick up the tempo. I didn’t – I held back scared that if I kicked it up, I wouldn’t make it.
- I can go faster. The finish line came up faster than I expected, and I had gas left in the tank. Darn.
Ok. So what? On energy management and the growth mindset.
Energy Management Lesson #1:
Because I had the race coming up I took two days off to rest. I can’t remember the last time I did that. It was good to feel what my body feels like with more rest.
Energy Management Lesson #2:
My family came and cheered me on. It felt good having them there and I really love doing physical things with my daughter. It’s fun for me and is my super motivator.
Growth Mindset Lesson #1:
When I put in effort I improve. I have been meditating consistently since February and am able to focus my thoughts and mind in a way I just didn’t know how to before. This skill helped me perform better.
Growth Mindset Lesson #2.
Failing feels better than not trying. If I’d pushed my tempo in the last two kilometers and had to back off that would have felt better than not doing it. I ruminated on this one, yes it looped in my head. So f*ck it. Next time, just do it. Don’t try – do!
Soooo, I’ve signed up for another 10KM run on November 27th. Why? Because it felt good, and I felt myself grow. And I trust myself to keep it fun and energizing. It doesn’t have to be a coping mechanism. Dare I say it, I think I’ve made progress.
Carol Dweck’s Mindset book is a powerful read. It turns out when we have a growth mindset and work at things, we improve. When we believe that at we either are or are not (a fixed mindset), we have a harder time.
Something that I have accepted is that running without music is just… ahem not something I’m ever going to try and do… So here is the Turkey Trot playlist I made for race day. Enjoy!